sucker

From the first open-mouthed kiss
between nipple, cracked and gaping
& nibbling infant lips
an exchange was taking place.
I can’t be sure now, who fed on what
which satisfied which
who wanted what, what soured first.
I was already leaving, pressing back

to black-paned windows, while others laid their claims

demoting loving down to hoping,
& that becoming only looking, then everything
diminishing into simply thinking
& wishing on you, like you were a star.
Watering down a love, like that,
it is harder than any stone I know.
I could not see, so young
the mark left by my life, too young divided
discolouring your blood. A shared stain
colouring us ever, & I did not know
it would endure, through cowardly scrubbings;
I could not know, and so I went on scrubbing,
I scrubbed for quite a while, in that vein.